Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Frustrated

Does anyone out there have any luck with the Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM)? I'm on CD 12 and it hasn't even given me the high fertility sign yet. Typically it gives you high fertility for 4 - 5 days when your estrogen surges then peak fertility when you LH surges. Last month I got my high fertiity sign around CD 10. And I ovulated around day 14-15. Warning - TMI ahead - just now when I went to the restroom I had A TON of EWCM. And my cervix is open, so I know I'm getting to my fertile days. But why won't that stupid monitor act right???? It makes me so freaking mad I want to throw it into the wall. Guess I'll stop on the way home tonight and get the digital OPKs so I can have a backup in place.

I think clomid makes me feel hopeless. I hope its the clomid anyways..... I just feel like nothing's going to work. I feel terrible complaining about being hopeless when I know there are so many fellow IFers who have already gone through multiple IUIs or IVFs and still have the strength to march on.... Yesterday I googled clomid and hopelessness because I read it on another blog and there were some hits. It can exacerbate depression so that causes the hopelessness I guess. Isn't that a wonderful side effect? Hmph. And here I was so proud of me for not getting the rage I got last month. I think I'd rather have the rage than the hopelessness... Hubby probably wouldn't agree. hehe

I'm just rambling here without going in any direction. That's how blah I feel. I can't even come up with a point to my post.

I've been thinking this week maybe I need to go to the family doc to see about antidepressants and/or anti-anxiety. I can't stand being blue all the time. My husband can see it and has commented on it. I get severe anxiety just thinking about it. I've had docs minimize it before and then you just feel stupid. Plus I'm one of those people that hates having to ask for help. So it takes a lot for me to be able to work up to making an appt and explaining to the doc what I need.

Sorry to be Debbie Downer today. That's all i got for now tho...

3 comments:

  1. I felt awful when I was on Clomid. It was worse for me than the injectables. All your feelings are normal,just try to focus on the goal. I hope you get your BFP this month!

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  2. I'm sorry you are feeling so down, and yes Clomid can make you more emotional (and even a little wacky) so I wouldn't be surprised if it is adding to your negative emotions.

    Are you seeing a therapist at all? I only ask because that is one thing that has been helpful for me. I couldn't find an infertility expert, so I started seeing someone who deals a lot with loss and grief (both common IF emotions) and she is definitely helping me navigate through all this.

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  3. **HUGS**
    I'm sorry you're feeling so down and out :(
    All I know is that Clomid can make you more moody so making you feel even more down would seem possible.
    The things we do. Hopefully we'll all be able to tell our children one day all of the crap we had to go through to have them :)

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