Tuesday, August 23, 2011

This pharmacy is killing me!!!

Turns out that Pon.stel made a HUGE difference!!!!! Friday was the worst day of the cycle, I had some cramping but that was the heaviest day so that's to be expected. The cramps were just a fraction of what they were last month. But after that one day, there were no cramps and the cycle was practically over by Sun!!! Woohoo!!!!!

Needless to say I was very excited to pick up my prescription yesterday. Its a sad day when having a "normal" cycle gets a person this excited. Anyways I get to the pharmacy and they tell me its going to be $400!!!! For 30 pills!!! Yes, 4-0-0!!! I basically told the pharmacist they're crazy and I'm NOT GOING TO PAY $400 FOR 30 PILLS!!!!! I should have known this was too good to be true..... Now what??? Back to the drawing board I guess. I'll call the doc's office and tell the nurse and see if they'll either send me more samples or call out 500mg naproxen...

I'm still fuming about it!!!!

Oh and one other thing - I went to one of those jewelry parties people have at their houses on Friday night with one of my BFFs who is 6 mos pregnant. First of all the jewelry was WAY WAY overpriced. I felt bad about it but I didn't buy anything. Fortunately we didn't have to stay long. So as we're leaving all the smokers who are sitting outside stop and start the "when I was pregnant" gab. Mind you, these women are all upper-class, professional women wearing designer clothes and shoes. Frankly, they were a little snobbish. And 1 of them had the nerve to say when her daughter was a baby, she hated the baby phase. Yes, that's right. She said out loud how she hated the baby phase, hated everything about it, how horrible it was. Now that her daughter is 3, she likes it a lot better. Gee, I'm glad you finally like your kid, Lady! Then a 2nd one chimes in about how horrible the baby phase was to her too - the crying, the colic, the demanding infant... Why would they tell all this terrible stuff to someone that is pregnant?? These are seemingly educated women that are married and got pregnant on purpose. Did they not know going in that babies cry?? So effing irritating!!!!!

Normally I don't wish IF on anyone, but I really wish they had some notion of the struggle some women have to go through to get what they completely take for granted. I know being a parent is hard. Probably the hardest thing you can do. And I know there are nights moms cry themselves to sleep because they think they did the wrong thing with their child, or had a hard day or whatever. But I'm sure if you asked any mother if she would rather go to sleep crying because she had a hard day as a parent, or if she'd rather go to sleep crying because she CAN'T have kids, I'm prettty sure I know which choice they would make.

At least the night ended on a good note. We went to another friend's house and split a bottle of wine (not the pregnant friend of course) and ended up having a great time. Turns out the after party was waayyyyyy better than the actual party!! :-)

Monday, August 22, 2011

Same ol, same ol....

AF showed up Friday as expected. I took the new meds. They helped some. Friday afternoon I had a decent amount of cramps, but it was less than the last 2 months, so they helped a little. I'll try them again and see. Of course, I had to take way more than the recommended dose.... As long as I can get some relief tho!

Don't know what to do about the trip with my mom. I called her Fri and thanked her for inviting me. She was her usual lovely self. *rolls eyes* So I ask her what we're going to do while we're out of town. She breaks out that she wants us to have drinks!!!!! WTH?!?!?!?!? After 4 1/2 years of sobriety, she's going to drink again????? Now I'm freaking out again. I don't think I can go with her if she plans on drinking. Or should I go to make sure she doesn't? She repeatedly told me when she first got sober that if she drank again, she's going to try to kill herself AGAIN. Thanks, Mom! I can't get that out of my head. She is a textbook alcoholic and can not drink casually is the bottom line. Guess I'm going to have to ask her straight up if she's really planning on going back to drinking. If she's going to drink, I'm staying home. :-(

Monday, August 15, 2011

Doctor appt.

So my doctor's visit was very anti-climactic. :-) Told the doc about all my pains. He said he's fine with waiting until Jan for insurance reasons. In the meantime he gave me Ponstel or mafenic acid (sp?) to try for the pain. That scrip is $90!!!! Fortunately he gave me samples to try first and told me there's a coupon online. Sure enough, I should be able to get it for only $20 with that coupon!!!! Love that doc!!!!! If the pharmacy refuses the coupon, I'll be calling and asking for good ol' 800mg ibuprofen.

I told him I was worried he'd go in and there wouldn't be very much in there even tho I have pain. He was very sympathetic and told me even one spot the size of a pin prick can cause a lot of pain so not to worry about that. I'll be going back in Dec to get the ball rolling on getting the lap set up for January.

Of course going on b/c pills is always an option and might help minimize pain and will help the surgery a little because you'll have less inflammation when you go in. But he said he understands if I don't want to go that route because we're TTC. If I decide to go on the pills, he'll call them out.

Really, that's the only 2 avenues - pain relief until the lap to remove the endo and/or b/c pills. I already knew that going down there tho, so no big surprises.

AF should arrive Wed or Thurs... Here's hoping the new stuff helps.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

2 thumbs up!

I just got back from watching the movie The Help. It was soooooo good!!!! It sold out this morning, but luckily we got there early enough to grab a seat. I had read the book and I rave to anyone who will listen how good it is. I was worried the movie would be a disappointment. But I think given their time constraints, they did a fantastic job. Naturally there were a few scenes that had to be left out. I was worried it would be sanitized for the general public, the message wouldn't come across. But the movie did a great job capturing most of the same emotions the book did. A couple of the darker scenes were left out, but still all in all, it was a great movie. Even DH liked it. He said it was one of the best he had seen in the last few years. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.... even DH's eyes.

Warning to IFers tho - there is a miscarriage scene. The book focuses more on that issue than the film did though.

Anywho I'd like to hear from anyone else that saw it what their opinion is. Last night I told my dad I was going to see it. And he tells me a lady he knows that saw it was disappointed - that they portrayed people who think they're better than everyone else. Um, so not the point!!! If that's ALL that lady took out of that film.... She's really clueless!

So this morning I got a text from my mom asking if I want to go on a road trip with her and a girlfriend of hers that will be visiting from out of town. 3 whole days together!??!?!? I don't know... we didn't talk at all this week.... maybe this is an olive branch from her. Maybe I should try to put past hurts behind me and try one more time to establish a good relationship with her. When I was talking to DH about it the other night, of course I had to get upset. He had a similar relationship with his dad who was also alcoholic. His dad passed away last year. His advice is that no matter how bad our relationship is, I'll still miss her when she's gone and regret not trying harder. So I've been mulling that over, then out of the blue today came that invitation.... Maybe I should try to be the bigger person and make things right.

P.S. I'll definitely be refilling my nerve pills if I go on that trip!! :-)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I'm still here

I finally broke down and made an appt with the gyno to see what the hell is going on in my lady region. The appointment is on Monday.

Here's what's going on. I am not having very much EWCM the last couple of months (I think because I've been off of my vitamins). But I did get SOME EWCM around day 12 and what felt like ovulation pains that were INTENSE. There were definite stabbing pains on my left side. But I never did get a positive OPK. The day I think I would have been most likely to get a +, I had only been holding my urine for about 2.5 hours instead of the 4 hours like the box recommends. So I know my sample was pretty dilute. I don't know for sure whether I O'd, but we did the deed a couple of times just to cover our bases. The thing that worries me is that when I have to pee, and I'm about to O, the pains are unbearable!!!!!

I'm pretty sure the pain is either a cyst or from the endo. I have a lot of the same symptoms as I did during the first go round with endo, but this ovary pain is definitely a new development. I know endo can interfere with the ovaries so it'll be better to find out sooner rather than later.

I have been putting off making the appt for some weeks now. I know it sounds stupid, but in the back of my mind I worry that when I go to the doc and tell him about these pains, he's going to try to minimize my feelings. The last doc didn't so I should probably have faith this guy won't either. Plus at my first appt, he said we should redo my lap after about 14 months whether or not I have symptoms. Anyhoo, I'm sure it will be fine. I'm just relieved to get it over with.

Plus, I plan on going in and telling him how brutal these last 2 cycles were and getting pain pills to hold me over until Jan when I plan on redoing the lap. My next cycle should start on Wed. I'm not really holding out any hope that this cycle will be a BFP. So I want to have those pills on hand. If my last cycle would have started on a weekday, there's no way in hell I would have made it to work. I can't call in every time my stupid period starts. Blah! I'll just get some drugs and hang on until we can take care of the problem AGAIN.

Not too much else is going on. I talk to my mom for about 5 mins every week or every other week. She called last Fri to tell me more sad news about my 3rd brother, the one I never mention. Sigh.... And I know have to go over there to visit the babies but I really don't know how I'll make it through sitting with these people for hours!!!! I'm related to them and I call them "these people"... Ugh!!!!! I CAN NOT even get through a 5 minute phone call with her without having to cry.... I don't know how I'm going to sit there and pretend I want to spend time with her right now. Its a vicious cycle I know I have to break, just not sure how or when. She hurts my feelings, I hurt hers, then we withdraw. Nothing ever gets fixed.

Sorry for the bumpy ride, I know my post was all over the freaking place today! That's pretty much everything that's been weighing on my mind lately.