AF showed up Friday as expected. I took the new meds. They helped some. Friday afternoon I had a decent amount of cramps, but it was less than the last 2 months, so they helped a little. I'll try them again and see. Of course, I had to take way more than the recommended dose.... As long as I can get some relief tho!
Don't know what to do about the trip with my mom. I called her Fri and thanked her for inviting me. She was her usual lovely self. *rolls eyes* So I ask her what we're going to do while we're out of town. She breaks out that she wants us to have drinks!!!!! WTH?!?!?!?!? After 4 1/2 years of sobriety, she's going to drink again????? Now I'm freaking out again. I don't think I can go with her if she plans on drinking. Or should I go to make sure she doesn't? She repeatedly told me when she first got sober that if she drank again, she's going to try to kill herself AGAIN. Thanks, Mom! I can't get that out of my head. She is a textbook alcoholic and can not drink casually is the bottom line. Guess I'm going to have to ask her straight up if she's really planning on going back to drinking. If she's going to drink, I'm staying home. :-(
Monday, August 22, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
Doctor appt.
So my doctor's visit was very anti-climactic. :-) Told the doc about all my pains. He said he's fine with waiting until Jan for insurance reasons. In the meantime he gave me Ponstel or mafenic acid (sp?) to try for the pain. That scrip is $90!!!! Fortunately he gave me samples to try first and told me there's a coupon online. Sure enough, I should be able to get it for only $20 with that coupon!!!! Love that doc!!!!! If the pharmacy refuses the coupon, I'll be calling and asking for good ol' 800mg ibuprofen.
I told him I was worried he'd go in and there wouldn't be very much in there even tho I have pain. He was very sympathetic and told me even one spot the size of a pin prick can cause a lot of pain so not to worry about that. I'll be going back in Dec to get the ball rolling on getting the lap set up for January.
Of course going on b/c pills is always an option and might help minimize pain and will help the surgery a little because you'll have less inflammation when you go in. But he said he understands if I don't want to go that route because we're TTC. If I decide to go on the pills, he'll call them out.
Really, that's the only 2 avenues - pain relief until the lap to remove the endo and/or b/c pills. I already knew that going down there tho, so no big surprises.
AF should arrive Wed or Thurs... Here's hoping the new stuff helps.
I told him I was worried he'd go in and there wouldn't be very much in there even tho I have pain. He was very sympathetic and told me even one spot the size of a pin prick can cause a lot of pain so not to worry about that. I'll be going back in Dec to get the ball rolling on getting the lap set up for January.
Of course going on b/c pills is always an option and might help minimize pain and will help the surgery a little because you'll have less inflammation when you go in. But he said he understands if I don't want to go that route because we're TTC. If I decide to go on the pills, he'll call them out.
Really, that's the only 2 avenues - pain relief until the lap to remove the endo and/or b/c pills. I already knew that going down there tho, so no big surprises.
AF should arrive Wed or Thurs... Here's hoping the new stuff helps.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
2 thumbs up!
I just got back from watching the movie The Help. It was soooooo good!!!! It sold out this morning, but luckily we got there early enough to grab a seat. I had read the book and I rave to anyone who will listen how good it is. I was worried the movie would be a disappointment. But I think given their time constraints, they did a fantastic job. Naturally there were a few scenes that had to be left out. I was worried it would be sanitized for the general public, the message wouldn't come across. But the movie did a great job capturing most of the same emotions the book did. A couple of the darker scenes were left out, but still all in all, it was a great movie. Even DH liked it. He said it was one of the best he had seen in the last few years. There wasn't a dry eye in the house.... even DH's eyes.
Warning to IFers tho - there is a miscarriage scene. The book focuses more on that issue than the film did though.
Anywho I'd like to hear from anyone else that saw it what their opinion is. Last night I told my dad I was going to see it. And he tells me a lady he knows that saw it was disappointed - that they portrayed people who think they're better than everyone else. Um, so not the point!!! If that's ALL that lady took out of that film.... She's really clueless!
So this morning I got a text from my mom asking if I want to go on a road trip with her and a girlfriend of hers that will be visiting from out of town. 3 whole days together!??!?!? I don't know... we didn't talk at all this week.... maybe this is an olive branch from her. Maybe I should try to put past hurts behind me and try one more time to establish a good relationship with her. When I was talking to DH about it the other night, of course I had to get upset. He had a similar relationship with his dad who was also alcoholic. His dad passed away last year. His advice is that no matter how bad our relationship is, I'll still miss her when she's gone and regret not trying harder. So I've been mulling that over, then out of the blue today came that invitation.... Maybe I should try to be the bigger person and make things right.
P.S. I'll definitely be refilling my nerve pills if I go on that trip!! :-)
Warning to IFers tho - there is a miscarriage scene. The book focuses more on that issue than the film did though.
Anywho I'd like to hear from anyone else that saw it what their opinion is. Last night I told my dad I was going to see it. And he tells me a lady he knows that saw it was disappointed - that they portrayed people who think they're better than everyone else. Um, so not the point!!! If that's ALL that lady took out of that film.... She's really clueless!
So this morning I got a text from my mom asking if I want to go on a road trip with her and a girlfriend of hers that will be visiting from out of town. 3 whole days together!??!?!? I don't know... we didn't talk at all this week.... maybe this is an olive branch from her. Maybe I should try to put past hurts behind me and try one more time to establish a good relationship with her. When I was talking to DH about it the other night, of course I had to get upset. He had a similar relationship with his dad who was also alcoholic. His dad passed away last year. His advice is that no matter how bad our relationship is, I'll still miss her when she's gone and regret not trying harder. So I've been mulling that over, then out of the blue today came that invitation.... Maybe I should try to be the bigger person and make things right.
P.S. I'll definitely be refilling my nerve pills if I go on that trip!! :-)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
I'm still here
I finally broke down and made an appt with the gyno to see what the hell is going on in my lady region. The appointment is on Monday.
Here's what's going on. I am not having very much EWCM the last couple of months (I think because I've been off of my vitamins). But I did get SOME EWCM around day 12 and what felt like ovulation pains that were INTENSE. There were definite stabbing pains on my left side. But I never did get a positive OPK. The day I think I would have been most likely to get a +, I had only been holding my urine for about 2.5 hours instead of the 4 hours like the box recommends. So I know my sample was pretty dilute. I don't know for sure whether I O'd, but we did the deed a couple of times just to cover our bases. The thing that worries me is that when I have to pee, and I'm about to O, the pains are unbearable!!!!!
I'm pretty sure the pain is either a cyst or from the endo. I have a lot of the same symptoms as I did during the first go round with endo, but this ovary pain is definitely a new development. I know endo can interfere with the ovaries so it'll be better to find out sooner rather than later.
I have been putting off making the appt for some weeks now. I know it sounds stupid, but in the back of my mind I worry that when I go to the doc and tell him about these pains, he's going to try to minimize my feelings. The last doc didn't so I should probably have faith this guy won't either. Plus at my first appt, he said we should redo my lap after about 14 months whether or not I have symptoms. Anyhoo, I'm sure it will be fine. I'm just relieved to get it over with.
Plus, I plan on going in and telling him how brutal these last 2 cycles were and getting pain pills to hold me over until Jan when I plan on redoing the lap. My next cycle should start on Wed. I'm not really holding out any hope that this cycle will be a BFP. So I want to have those pills on hand. If my last cycle would have started on a weekday, there's no way in hell I would have made it to work. I can't call in every time my stupid period starts. Blah! I'll just get some drugs and hang on until we can take care of the problem AGAIN.
Not too much else is going on. I talk to my mom for about 5 mins every week or every other week. She called last Fri to tell me more sad news about my 3rd brother, the one I never mention. Sigh.... And I know have to go over there to visit the babies but I really don't know how I'll make it through sitting with these people for hours!!!! I'm related to them and I call them "these people"... Ugh!!!!! I CAN NOT even get through a 5 minute phone call with her without having to cry.... I don't know how I'm going to sit there and pretend I want to spend time with her right now. Its a vicious cycle I know I have to break, just not sure how or when. She hurts my feelings, I hurt hers, then we withdraw. Nothing ever gets fixed.
Sorry for the bumpy ride, I know my post was all over the freaking place today! That's pretty much everything that's been weighing on my mind lately.
Here's what's going on. I am not having very much EWCM the last couple of months (I think because I've been off of my vitamins). But I did get SOME EWCM around day 12 and what felt like ovulation pains that were INTENSE. There were definite stabbing pains on my left side. But I never did get a positive OPK. The day I think I would have been most likely to get a +, I had only been holding my urine for about 2.5 hours instead of the 4 hours like the box recommends. So I know my sample was pretty dilute. I don't know for sure whether I O'd, but we did the deed a couple of times just to cover our bases. The thing that worries me is that when I have to pee, and I'm about to O, the pains are unbearable!!!!!
I'm pretty sure the pain is either a cyst or from the endo. I have a lot of the same symptoms as I did during the first go round with endo, but this ovary pain is definitely a new development. I know endo can interfere with the ovaries so it'll be better to find out sooner rather than later.
I have been putting off making the appt for some weeks now. I know it sounds stupid, but in the back of my mind I worry that when I go to the doc and tell him about these pains, he's going to try to minimize my feelings. The last doc didn't so I should probably have faith this guy won't either. Plus at my first appt, he said we should redo my lap after about 14 months whether or not I have symptoms. Anyhoo, I'm sure it will be fine. I'm just relieved to get it over with.
Plus, I plan on going in and telling him how brutal these last 2 cycles were and getting pain pills to hold me over until Jan when I plan on redoing the lap. My next cycle should start on Wed. I'm not really holding out any hope that this cycle will be a BFP. So I want to have those pills on hand. If my last cycle would have started on a weekday, there's no way in hell I would have made it to work. I can't call in every time my stupid period starts. Blah! I'll just get some drugs and hang on until we can take care of the problem AGAIN.
Not too much else is going on. I talk to my mom for about 5 mins every week or every other week. She called last Fri to tell me more sad news about my 3rd brother, the one I never mention. Sigh.... And I know have to go over there to visit the babies but I really don't know how I'll make it through sitting with these people for hours!!!! I'm related to them and I call them "these people"... Ugh!!!!! I CAN NOT even get through a 5 minute phone call with her without having to cry.... I don't know how I'm going to sit there and pretend I want to spend time with her right now. Its a vicious cycle I know I have to break, just not sure how or when. She hurts my feelings, I hurt hers, then we withdraw. Nothing ever gets fixed.
Sorry for the bumpy ride, I know my post was all over the freaking place today! That's pretty much everything that's been weighing on my mind lately.
Friday, July 29, 2011
The clouds have parted
I increased my zoloft to 100 mg about a week ago and I finally feel better! Yay for the breakthrough!! I just couldn't take staying negative and hopeless any longer!!! Here's to improved mental health!! :-) For anyone out there who hasn't struggled with depression or is opposed to antidepressants... here's how I describe it - When in the midst of depression its like a dark cloud is hanging over you and blocking all the sun. Once you start treatment or antidepressants, one day about a week or so later, you notice you feel better, like the clouds have parted and now hope or joy can come streaming in again. What a relief!!
Not too much going on. Hopefully I'll continue to ovulate early. I know when I tinker with my antidepressants, that affects my thyroid levels, so we'll see how this month goes.
I'm pretty sure after the last cycle the endo is back. Its not as bad as the first time I had my lap, but its definitely there. So I've been weighing the options of having my lap redone this year and I'll have about 5 months that I'll have 100% insurance coverage. Or wait until Feb when our insurance year starts over and have a whole year at 100%.
A couple of things to consider - 1) I'm pretty sure that part of my IUIs will be paid for once I'm on 100%. My ins covers anything diagnostic, so the monitoring will be paid for and i'll just have to come out of pocket for the IUI - about $350. So, potentially, I could afford more chances at IUIs, if they're partially paid for. ... I don't think I'll need meds since I'm ovulating in a timely manner now. 2) How much will waiting 6 months impact my fertility? I'm turning 36 in Sept. And I already feel like every month my chances decline a little more.... What to do, what to do....
I guess that's the gist of it. If I put it off until Feb, I will definitely be going to the doc to get stronger pain meds. No way I could have went to work if my cycle had started on a weekday instead of a weekend. I seriously couldn't leave the couch it was so awful.
I know its un-ladylike, but I have to admit I snore. Terribly!!!!!! All my life I've been told by docs my tonsils/adenoids are HUGE. I'm driving my hubby crazy with the snoring waking him up all night, every night. I'm starting to wonder if getting them removed would stop the snoring, and then we both would sleep better.... I'm still in the preliminary stages of research. The research is pretty mixed on whether the surgery is effective to stop snoring....
Not too much going on. Hopefully I'll continue to ovulate early. I know when I tinker with my antidepressants, that affects my thyroid levels, so we'll see how this month goes.
I'm pretty sure after the last cycle the endo is back. Its not as bad as the first time I had my lap, but its definitely there. So I've been weighing the options of having my lap redone this year and I'll have about 5 months that I'll have 100% insurance coverage. Or wait until Feb when our insurance year starts over and have a whole year at 100%.
A couple of things to consider - 1) I'm pretty sure that part of my IUIs will be paid for once I'm on 100%. My ins covers anything diagnostic, so the monitoring will be paid for and i'll just have to come out of pocket for the IUI - about $350. So, potentially, I could afford more chances at IUIs, if they're partially paid for. ... I don't think I'll need meds since I'm ovulating in a timely manner now. 2) How much will waiting 6 months impact my fertility? I'm turning 36 in Sept. And I already feel like every month my chances decline a little more.... What to do, what to do....
I guess that's the gist of it. If I put it off until Feb, I will definitely be going to the doc to get stronger pain meds. No way I could have went to work if my cycle had started on a weekday instead of a weekend. I seriously couldn't leave the couch it was so awful.
I know its un-ladylike, but I have to admit I snore. Terribly!!!!!! All my life I've been told by docs my tonsils/adenoids are HUGE. I'm driving my hubby crazy with the snoring waking him up all night, every night. I'm starting to wonder if getting them removed would stop the snoring, and then we both would sleep better.... I'm still in the preliminary stages of research. The research is pretty mixed on whether the surgery is effective to stop snoring....
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Just as I thought
Well AF arrived yesterday. And it was brutal this month. I had horrible cramps to the point I was nauseous. I took 800 mg ibuprofen a couple of times and they barely helped. Guess its time to go back to the doc for something stronger. I know I'm going to have to have another lap, but my deductible is high so its going to be awhile before I'll have the money together to take care of it. So until then, painkillers it is. This endo is fun stuff, right? Boo!!!!
On a good note I think I'm having a decent luteal phase these last 2 months. I'm pretty sure its the thyroid meds that are doing it. Hopefully, that'll give us a chance one of these months.
That's all I've got for now. Hopefully everyone is having a good weekend out there!!
On a good note I think I'm having a decent luteal phase these last 2 months. I'm pretty sure its the thyroid meds that are doing it. Hopefully, that'll give us a chance one of these months.
That's all I've got for now. Hopefully everyone is having a good weekend out there!!
Friday, July 22, 2011
Back in the saddle again
I'm back from vacationing in the Pacific Northwest. Let me tell you it was wonderful!!!! The temp never got over 70! Considering its 100+ every day where I am now, I thought it was wonderful, even when it drizzled a couple of days. We did some cool things like visit Mt St Helens. We shopped and ate out at some great restaurants. It was soooo hard to drag myself back in to work after a week of luxury!
My dad and I had some good talks. I'm thankful he is who he is. Some days it got to be a little emotionally heavy, but still, its better than any relationship I will ever be able to have with my mother.
Baby AJ spent his first week in the hospital. :-( He was on IV's and feeding tubes. But he's out now. He's still not gaining enough weight so they're probably going to have to go back to feeding tubes. Poor thing.... What a way to start out...
AF should arrive this weekend. No real hope for this cycle. We only managed to do the deed once during the fertile time... So, whatever.... *shrugs*
Twice this week I've had stupid dreams about being pg. One I actually dreamed I made it far enough to give birth. I rarely have pg dreams in the first place, but I don't think I've EVER made it to giving birth when I do. So they're pretty much freaking me out... Here I am trying to be more zen about TTC... and maybe even try to move on, and now I have to have these stupid dreams??? Maybe its my subconcious trying to work things out for me.
So before I left hubby and I were having a good lunch and I brought up the A-word... and without crying!!!! It was a miracle!!! Usually I'm a mess if I have to talk about giving up TTC. But I told hubby when I get back, I think I want to look into adoption and he said "ok"..... I realize we didn't get into the nitty-gritty details, but in the past if I've brought it up, he's immediately rejected even talking about the idea. So at least its out there. I don't know if logistically it will be an option for us as far as costs and the hoops we'll have to jump through. I really have no idea even what the first step would be.... have no idea where to find the info... I guess that will be my next research project.
My dad and I had some good talks. I'm thankful he is who he is. Some days it got to be a little emotionally heavy, but still, its better than any relationship I will ever be able to have with my mother.
Baby AJ spent his first week in the hospital. :-( He was on IV's and feeding tubes. But he's out now. He's still not gaining enough weight so they're probably going to have to go back to feeding tubes. Poor thing.... What a way to start out...
AF should arrive this weekend. No real hope for this cycle. We only managed to do the deed once during the fertile time... So, whatever.... *shrugs*
Twice this week I've had stupid dreams about being pg. One I actually dreamed I made it far enough to give birth. I rarely have pg dreams in the first place, but I don't think I've EVER made it to giving birth when I do. So they're pretty much freaking me out... Here I am trying to be more zen about TTC... and maybe even try to move on, and now I have to have these stupid dreams??? Maybe its my subconcious trying to work things out for me.
So before I left hubby and I were having a good lunch and I brought up the A-word... and without crying!!!! It was a miracle!!! Usually I'm a mess if I have to talk about giving up TTC. But I told hubby when I get back, I think I want to look into adoption and he said "ok"..... I realize we didn't get into the nitty-gritty details, but in the past if I've brought it up, he's immediately rejected even talking about the idea. So at least its out there. I don't know if logistically it will be an option for us as far as costs and the hoops we'll have to jump through. I really have no idea even what the first step would be.... have no idea where to find the info... I guess that will be my next research project.
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