Big sigh...

I tested this morning and BFN as usual. I was upset and cried for a bit. Then I got dressed and came to work. What else can you do in this game? On the one hand I'm bitterly disappointed... this marks 2 years -2 fucking years!!!!!!! -of TTC. On the other hand, what did I expect? To magically get knocked up just because it had been 2 years? Should I have learned from the other 23 months that maybe its not in the cards, that its not going to be that easy? I had convinced myself there was hope... Had some imaginary symptoms - nausea, heartburn, fatigue, but I guess it was all in my head. I really really hate when I let my guard down and get my hopes up. Ugh!!!!!!! So just waiting for AF now. I had some cramps last night so I'm sure it will be tomorrow or Thurs. I'll do the clomid again. April 19 I go for my well-woman and while I'm at the doc's office I'll find out all the pricing info for the monitored cycle, either timed intercourse or IUI. Thanks for all the well wishes for my brother! He got out of the hospital yesterday. He's feeling a lot better. He goes back to work tomorrow. They said the medicine should continue working so he'll continue to improve at home. The doc said all the tests came back negative but he's sure it was Guillian Bairre and the treatments worked so I guess that's what it was. Weird tho.... He was at an excellent hospital and I'm just glad they got him fixed up. Good thing I'm on the antidepressants already....Now if only I can hang on for one more cycle.... At least that's what I tell myself.