Nephew #1 is here!

Plain Jane had her baby yesterday. I went up to the hospital after work to visit her and the baby. I'm so proud of me!!! Yes, I know, its not really all about me, but I really handled the visit better than I have in the past. I just kept telling myself, this has nothing to do with my IF. Whether or not they have children, it really has no bearing on whether or not I'll be able to. So I was able to actually enjoy the visit once I had removed myself from the equation. I held the baby - he's so perfect and tiny - and didn't even have to cry about it. He's really really cute. And seeing how sweet my brother is with him blows me away and really warmed my heart. He's such a good dad. :-) I was able to finally be in a place where I could be genuinely happy for someone else getting what I want so badly. And I think that was really positive. Hopefully, I can stay in this place.





Poor Plain Jane is in ICU because of her cardiac myeopathy (sp?). We went up to see her after the baby and the poor thing was such a mess. I actually cried a little when she started bawling because I could see she was in so much pain. She was having incredibly intense chest pains, to the point of not being able to breathe. Add to that the guilt of not being able to be with her brand new baby and her older son couldn't visit her either because he's younger than 10 years old and the poor thing was a wreck. She only has to be there for 24-48 hours, then she'll get to go back down to the labor & delivery floor for the rest of her stay. Since she had a c-section she'll be there at least until Fri.





Plain Jane can't breastfeed again and I know she was totally bummed about that. Its because of the cardiac medicine they have to put her on starting today. Plus the doc told her that she CAN'T have any more kids. They wanted 1 more. The selfish part of me says she should be happy she has 2 beautiful healthy kids, but then again, I totally get not being able to have a kid when you want one. So I do feel for her.





One thing that doesn't make any sense to me is - Her endo is back but they wouldn't go in and take care of it while they already had her open for the c-section. Doesn't that make sense to anyone else? That's what I would ask for. They also wouldn't go ahead and tie her tubes while they had her open. That's how they used to do it. I would think that would be better than going in again in 6 weeks just as the c-section is finished healing and reopening it. Especially since getting pg will put her life in danger, hello?????





I was a little teary on the ride home, but not like I was the last time I had to do a hospital visit. I just hope I get the chance to be there too one day.





Now that I'm feeling stronger and made it through this visit without any meltdowns, I'm reconsidering the shower on Sun. I feel guilty that I can't participate like I should be able to. Even tho I can't stand White Trash, I should be able to be there for my brother - this is his 1st kid after all.





Its CD7, no signs of fertility yet, but should be in about a week. I'm anxious to see if bringing down my thyroid levels will influence how early I ovulate like I suspect. We'll see....





Thanks for hanging in there with me, everyone!!! I know my post the other day was pretty freaking depressing, I just had to get everything off my chest. But I'm feeling much better now.

P.S. Is Blogger pissing everyone else off too? I keep trying to publish this post and it keeps giving me errors. That on top of all the errors I get when I try to sign in. Ugh!!!! So frustrating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!