Why didn't I think of that????

So I mentioned last week that my thyroid seems to be throwing a fit and now my levels are back to where they were when I started... which means I feel sluggish and droopy. Of course the 1st thing I did was turn to Dr. Google to see what kinds of meds or foods would cancel out thyroid meds... I just couldn't believe a 1/2 blood pressure pill would cause that much chaos... And lo and behold I found plenty of sites that says that freaking zoloft cancels your thyroid meds!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy sh*tballs!!!!! It didn't even occur me to run it by Dr. Z!!!! Before when I was on antidepressants all she said was she didn't prescribe antidepressants so I'd have to continue getting them through my GP. So thats what I did. That has to be what made the difference. Nothing else was different. Either that or it was just a coincidental Hashi's flare up...

Now I have to wait until May 10 to have my blood drawn again. The following week I'll go back to Dr. Z and can have my meds upped if my levels are still high. Thank God!!!!!

Last night my hubby says he thinks I should stop taking the zoloft. I'm like "What?!?!?" He said because he can tell I act and feel run down. I told him he's crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can not continue to cry for 10 days every time I get a stupid BFN!!!!! He'll just have to put up with me being sluggish for another few weeks. I'm really starting to feel better and more stable. No way am I giving them up yet.

I haven't talked to my mom in about a week and I feel guilty about it... but I honestly no longer enjoy conversations with her so I don't feel the need to call her. Isn't that awful???? The whole time we're on the phone she talks about herself... Usually repeating herself over and over.... And if I say anything about my life most of the time she honestly acts like she doesn't hear what I've said and she just keeps on talking in circles like I'm not even there. Its so frustating. Then when I called her for once looking for comfort when I got my last BFN, what does she did but totally minimize my feelings and tell me I can't keep getting upset. So I feel like I'm at an impasse with her.

My dad not only told me about the divorce this last weekend, but he also revealed that he's in recovery. I knew he had been going to a men's support group to deal with growing up with an alcoholic, abusive, sadistic father. But I wasn't aware of his own struggles with addictions. So he said he's been clean for 18 months which is great. And he said he's onto the step about making amends and told me if he did anything in my childhood that was hurtful he was sorry and he wants me to tell him about it. I was touched down to my core because I could tell he was so sincere and earnest and open. I told him I was touched and appreciated the gesture, but I'm fine. And just to show you how crazy I am, that made me mad at my mom because she's been in recovery for 4 years and I'm still waiting for her to take accountability for being an alcoholic parent. Hmph!!!! Guess its a good thing I wasn't holding my breath waiting for that apology! HAHA I really hope my dad is able to find peace with himself through the recovery process and comes out on the other side better off.

6 days dpo here.... Tick tock..... I just want to be able to POAS already!!!! Part of me is hopeful... part of me just wants to get it over with so I can move to the next cycle.

Effing thyroid!!!!!!

So yesterday was a marathon of doc appts. I took the whole day off work and spent all day going from doctor to doctor. Oh well, me and hubby had a nice dinner at my favorite mexican place when I was done so at least it ended well!!


Well woman was fine. He did say I should take a cycle off since I've taken clomid 3 cycles in a row then we'll do a monitored cycle with a trigger shot or IUI. I guess that will be about June.

I guess that's something to look forward to....

I asked Brandy to increase my zoloft to 75 and she was fine with that. I do not want another 10 days of despair like my last cycle. Ugh!!!! I could hardly stand to be around myself. I definitely back to myself now thank God!!!!! She said if in a few weeks I feel like I need to go up one more level, just call her and she'll give me a new scrip. Thank God for Brandy!!!!!!! She doesn't make me feel like a loser for needing antidepressants like that other quack.... Whew!!!!!


Lastly unfortunately was the thyroid appt. I have been really tired lately and slipped back into taking naps when I get home from work and on the weekend. I knew something was wrong. Even Hubby noticed and asked if I was still on the thyroid meds.... Turns out for some reason my thyroid levels are totally jacked up again!!!! ARRGGHHH!!!! Its so frustrating!!!! My levels were 2.5 when I first started the meds.... then they went down to 1.0 then they were too low at 0.3. So at my last appt the doc told me to take 1/2 a pill twice a week to get me back to 1.0. My levels were 2.5 again on this last visit!!!! What the hell?!?!? Its like I never took any meds. I just don't get it.

The only thing I did different was started taking my new bp pill (1/2 only) in the morning. They say to take your thyroid meds alone because some meds can block some of the absorption... but I find it hard to believe that the 1/2 bp pill blocked the synthroid totally and completely!!!!! So don't know what's going on there... This month I'm going to take the bp pill an hour after the synthroid and see if that makes a difference.....

Its CD 14 and still no positive OPK. The CBEFM is showing medium fertility so it should be close. And yesterday was the 1st sign of stretchy CM. Hmmm.... If I get a positive tomorrow then I'll be ovulating on day 16-17 and that's while on clomid... That's no good!!!! That's the reason I'm taking the stupid clomid is to force ovulation earlier. I have a sneaking suspicion that this is due to my stupid effing thyroid... I looked back over my past charts and the month I ovulated earliest was the month my thyroid level was at 0.3.... When its in the 2.something range I ovulate really late....

This really sucks and its pissing me off!!!!! I know its not recommended to take take clomid more than 6 months and I've already used 3 and maybe because of my stupid thyroid those cycles have been wasted.... What do I do when my 6 months of clomid are done????? Maybe I just have to be done and move on.... I don't know what else to think.... From what I understand if I do a Timed Intercourse or IUI cycle, the trigger shot will tell me exactly when I'm ovulating, but it won't force me to ovulate earlier, right? I mean they have to wait for the follicle to get to a certain size so I don't think that will help.....

How's everybody's Easter shaping up? My dad will be in town from Washington so that will be nice to get to spend some time with him. I'm sure we'll go out to eat a few times... and watch the niece and nephew hunt for eggs and have a yummy Easter dinner.... Hopefully sleeping in late will be in my forecast too! :-)

Thanks for letting me vent!!!

Torture devices

I don't think I mentioned that I went bra shopping over the weekend. Ugh!!! I had been putting it off forever cause I knew I had to go up ANOTHER cup size. When we were skating last week tho, I fell down and my boob pretty much popped right out of the bra! Talk about embarrassing... hehe So I went to a specialty store that stocks everything up to an N! Whew! Not that I'm an N.... but I definitely can't buy bras at the mall anymore. Hmph!

While I was there I overheard another customer who was getting a nursing bra in my size. I was so relieved that they sell nursing bras in this size!!! I've always been worried that IF I ever get prego, where the hell am I going to get a bra?!?!? So now one more piece of the puzzle has fallen in place for me... Now if we could ACTUALLY just get prego .....

But this new bra is TORTURE!!! UGH!!!! Its the right size so its not uncomfortable because its too tight or ill-fitting. Its the DAMN underwire! God I hate underwire!!! I think the only reason it was invented was to make our lives hell yet give our bosoms a nice lift.... That means a man must have invented it! hehehe

I have another appt with the thyroid doc tomorrow. I'm going to see if I can up my dose of T3. I ended up being short a few pills so I didn't take any this weekend so I'd have enough to get me through the work week. Right away I totally felt like I used to. I slept 11 hours Fri night and still had to take a 2 hour nap on Sat. Blah!!!! I haven't taken one single nap since I started the T3 a month ago. Now I see I seriously have to take these meds the rest of my life. I cannot go back to feeling that way! My thyroid doc is very sympathetic tho. And when she started me on T3 she said we'll start with a small dose cause some people are sensitive to T3. So I'm sure she'll let me bump up to the next dose. Fingers are crossed anyways....

After holiday relief....

So the holidays are finally over.... I don't know about you guys but I was wiped out by the time Sunday rolled around. I laid around the house all day and loved every minute of it. :-) I needed the whole day to recuperate.

Christmas was relatively painless. On Christmas Eve I had to see Plain Jane and see her get maternity clothes and a few baby clothes, which I pretty much had to ignore so I didn't lose it... I think my mom knew I was on the edge so when I went into the other room to talk to Coach Girl after presents because she came in there and sat with us. That was a huge move for her. Usually she doesn't get it. There was a WTF moment when my bro started being snarky to me about graduating.... I don't know what that was about. I used to try to encourage him to go back to school but he was never interested. And its not like finishing my degree was easy. At one point I was going to school full time, working full time and working part time at another job.... So I had to work to get it done.

Today was back to work as usual. I felt disoriented all day after having 5 days off in a row!!! Like I couldn't get myself to focus on work at all.... I was hoping to use my last 1/2 day of vacation time on Thurs but I have soooo much to do now I might not be able to. We'll see.....

Monday afternoon I had another appt with Dr. Z. My TSH levels were good after my first month on synthroid. My level was 1.04 which I think is where it should be judging by other people's blogs. However I told Dr Z that I still feel tired a lot which I thought would go away. So she started me on 5 mg of cytomel to take with the synthroid. Apparently that's one of the other thyroid hormones - T3 - which will treat the symptoms of hypothyroid. Anyone have any experience with it? I felt good today, but it could have just been placebo effect too. Its supposed to be pretty fast-acting and you can tell a difference in just 2-3 days which is good. Hopefully it makes a difference.

And this cycle I'm taking an extra 200 mg of B6 daily to see if that changes my luteal phase. Last month I tried 100 mg and I thought I saw a few differences in my cycle but that could have been the thyroid meds too...

Today I went to the dentist. Ugh!!! I'm embarrassed to say how long its been since my last dentist appt. I hate that visit so much! I would rather go to the lady parts doctor 10 times before going to the dentist. :-) But I survived to tell about it so I guess I was just being a big baby all along. hehe

I hope all of you had a good holiday too! :-)

Waiting....

I'm officially in the 2ww now. Woo! We BD'd on some choice days I think. I even tried the instead cups. That was quite an experience. I thought for a minute I had lost that stupid cup and wasn't going to be able to find it much less get it out! hehe Now I've got it down to a science. ;-)

I'm a little concerned that my luteal phase is too short. I O'd around day 17 according to the CBEFM but I only have 26 day cycles. Sometimes 25 days even. That's not near long enough. So I start researching short luteal phases and what's one of the first things I find???? An enlarged thyroid can cause short LP. Gah!!!! That really kind of makes me mad!!! All these docs never suspected the thyroid and 30 secs with an endocrinologist and she can find it?!?!?! And if I would have listened to the GP I never would have made an appt with an Endo!!!! Its so aggravating. I've pretty much decided that whatever the results are from the biopsy I just want the damn thing removed!!! I don't want to have to do God-awful biopsies every 6 mos or year.... Just take it out and I'll take the thyroid pills. No biggie. Tons of people I know are on thyroid meds and they're all fine. Hmph!!!!

Good thing I'm a researching fool and I was able to find info on the thyroid connection to short LP. :-)

Counting down the days to Thanksgiving!!!! For the 1st year ever I'm more excited about the shopping than the food. :-) We're doing the midnight shopping at the local outlet mall again this year and I'm totally psyched!!!

Counting down the days to the biopsy results too.... That's the 30th so a little more than a week.... My bruises have faded to a lovely shade of green now and are so much more noticeable. Wonderful... People keep asking me what's on my neck.... Sigh....

That's all my news... How's everyone doing out there?