Thank God for my In-Laws

So I survived Mother's Day as I suspect the rest of you did too. It actually turned into a much nicer day than I had expected. We floated around in the pool for a few hours and I got a little color. As I floated around, I could feel all the tension just melt right out of me. When I got out of the water I felt like a new person. :-)

Then I went to a ballet performance with my niece, MIL and SIL. My niece goes to a Christian ballet school that feeds into a professional ballet troupe that performs all over the world as their mission work. The students have a performance every summer. But last night was the production put on by the teachers and professionals that actually perform in other countries. And I cannot say enough about how beautiful and elegant it was!!!!! In just a few weeks they'll be performing that ballet in Hungary. What an exciting life!!!

My MIL has always bought me a little something on Mother's Day..... when she first started I would protest and back then I didn't know if I was going to have kids.... But she'd say I'll be a mother someday and still give me a gift. Honestly, I've been dreading that this year... the thought of receiving a gift when I don't know if I'll ever get to be a mother and how that would make me feel. But I actually felt very moved and tears may have been shed. It felt good that someone still thinks there's a possibility that I'll have a child when some days I don't even feel that optimistic. All I know is I am so fortunate to have in-laws like I do. People that love me and are kind and generous to me.... More so than the family I was actually born into.

Now for the negative part of the day.... I thought about just texting my mom Happy Mothers Day... but then I decided to call her. We have talked in 2 weeks.... It was a very hollow conversation. We don't have the type of relationship where we can actually talk through our problems... so it was pretty strained. I asked what she's been up to... She talked for a few.... Then we're quiet for a few. Does she ask how I've been or what I've been doing? No.... Still crickets.... Then she asks what we're doing for Mothers Day. I tell her I'm staying in. My cramps were bad and so I didn't want to do anything. Then she goes back to talking about her medicines.... That's it... No I'm sorry this cycle didn't work... No I'm sorry you're going through this... No how are you holding up.... nothing... So she was cooking dinner for all my bros. She didn't invite me and I'm glad she didn't because I just would have had to say no. The last thing I'm going to do is spend the day with White Trash (who lives there so would definitely be there). She said her grease was starting to burn... I said I'll let you go then... She said she'd call me back... and that was it. She didn't call me back. So I'm not calling her again. For anything. I can be just as petty and immature as she can. Honestly, my life is happier when I don't talk to her.

And even after that dismal conversation, I was able to have a good day.... and feel loved at least by my in-laws... So that's all that matters.

Oh yes, I almost forgot my cycle update. AF showed up Sat night.... I didn't have a total meltdown. I cried a little Sunday... but either the zoloft is at the right level or I'm doing better... Its probably the zoloft... :-) Unfortunately cramps have been horrendous. This morning I was sitting at my desk and I had a wave of cramps roll through me that literally had me doubled over and I couldn't breathe until they subsided. I don't know WTF that is.... Of course I'm going to assume its the endo coming back. The only time I've ever had cramps in the abdomen or uterus is when I had the endo. I'm usually a back pain kind of girl.... I popped an 800 mg ibuprofen and hopefully that'll keep them away for the day....

On Wed I do my bloodwork for Dr. Z for next Tuesday's appt. All I know is she has got to fix my thyroid!!! I'm going to beg, plead, cry, whatever it takes.... I feel like getting my TSH back below 1.0 would cause my to ovulate early like in January. Then I wouldn't need clomid and I would lfeel like there is hope. If that doesn't happen, I don't know what I'm going to do!!!!!! So my fingers are crossed....